|Like the wind from Chocolat.
||[Aug. 13th, 2011|09:18 pm]
I'll take door number i, please
Every year around this time, I start feeling the pull of change coming. This year, it's especially strong. Our lives are changing in major ways, and I can't see the end of things at the moment to know how it's all going to work out.
Our financial life has been a marginal jury-rig for the past two and a half years. We've managed, we've scrimped, we've saved, we've received help from wonderful friends who know who they are. We've held things together, sometimes with bailing wire and chewing gum, but we've managed.
The last three months have kicked our asses. We've had something like $5,000 in unexpected expenses. I have also come to the end of my unemployment insurance benefits. The massage business, which was growing nicely through the first four months of the year has gone dead, despite all manner of things I've done to try and stoke the fires.
And so we have reached the moment where I can't see us surviving as things stand past the end of September. So things will be changing.
My parents have offered us the free use of their house in Pentwater Michigan at least until the beginning of next summer. We can make do in Pentwater while looking for work, either there or in Ann Arbor. This is on the one hand a compelling offer, and is in reserve as the absolutely last resort.
I am going to have to close A Touch of Reverence by the end of August, to get rid of major expenses. For those of you who use my services, I will work out something with you to continue doing that, if we end up staying in Sacramento, which is a great unknown at this time.
Crystal and I are job hunting. I would like to find something in the non-profit world, preferably a volunteer coordination or teaching position, for which I have experience. I'd like to work for political change, but am happy doing anything that helps them as have not. Crystal is also looking for something to help us out.. So far as i know, if we stay, she'll still try and finish school, but that's not a certainty at this point. Not much is.
The time to find anything in Sacramento is precious short. If one of us doesn't have anything solid by the end of August, then we're very likely to have to plan on Pentwater. If either of us finds something in Ann Arbor, then we jump that way. If neither happens, we land in Pentwater and keep looking there and in Ann Arbor, eliminating Sacramento.
As you can guess, we are in a ferment of uncertainty. I literally do not know where I'm going to be living come October 1st. Shannon gets screwed possibly out of her senior year, or she has to choose to stay in CA if we move, neither of which are stellar choices for her. She's made it pretty clear that she will stay in CA if it comes to that, but no one is happy about it. It's frankly Shannon that kept us in CA when I lost my job back in 2009, since the Met was the one schooling solution that seemed to have any traction for her. I still don't know if she's going to graduate, but her best chance is there.
Jackie was planning on moving out anyway, but none of us were planning on her being twenty five hundred miles away from her mom. This will have effects on her too, and the uncertainty makes things super hard to plan.
I have been using every trick I know to put this day off for another year. I've put my love and heart and soul into my business. I haven't slept properly in six months to a year. I'm so damned tired and feeling beaten. I'm not giving up, and will keep doing the best I know how, but tonight, at this moment, I don't know where to go or what to do. My folks are trying to help, but they keep changing the terms of our discussions, so I don't know what I can expect from them. I know they want me to move back East, but our roots, such as they are, are really in CA.
To those aforementioned wonderful people who have helped us out in times of need, no matter what happens, paying you back is still a high priority item of honor for me. I'm going to have to ask your patience a little longer until things settle out.
To my Feri kin and students, I can't tell you what's going to happen yet. To the Dust Bunnies, I miss you terribly, and have been really frustrated at my growing inability to spend time with you. To my students, I'll do the best I can to keep working with you no matter where I am, or will set you up with teachers I trust if I can't, or if you wish.
In order, my preferred solutions are: staying in Sacramento, finding a job there and probably downsizing our house, moving directly to Ann Arbor and finding work there, and last, taking refuge in Pentwater until we find work somewhere. I want to minimize the dislocation for the kids, all five of them. But we are approaching the lower end of Maslow's hierarchy of needs here, so I'll do what I must.
If any of you know of a job for either of us, please help. If any of you feel like swaying the universe to help me manifest safety and thriving for my family, I'm gratefully ready to accept that. I need my chosen family right now, even though I may well be leaving some of you behind.
Well, back to the search.